I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
