she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
