I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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