Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
