We need to rekindle our bromance
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
