I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So much rum. So many feels.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
