hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
