capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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