Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I believe in your delicious
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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