I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am never drinking with the goths again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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