he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
