I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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