Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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