I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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