I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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