DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm bleeding and have questions
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
