We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
