my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
