So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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