Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
