is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
