Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
