He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
