people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
