My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
