yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
