You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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