Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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