I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
