i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
