they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
