I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
