his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
