i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
