Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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