he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
