Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
