I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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