I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you traded sex for a burrito?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
