I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
