Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
