girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
