Got a toothbrush?
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
