A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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