she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
