I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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