:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
