He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
