I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
