i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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